Awake

It's easier for me to get things done with certain co-workers out of the office.  That's just the way things are. I'm more motivated when I'm not micromanaged and all that stress isn't projected toward me.

I am drinking Awake and delving in to a grapefruit. I had a cup of Hazlenut Creme at home this morning.

This week had a lot of ups and downs.  I'll likely remember Monday night for a long time.  It was Liz's second nightshift and I had not had a great day at work. I'd returned from a lunch workout. Stephnie Weir Look-A-Like Manager ("AKA SW" from here on out) made it clear that I am not her golden boy, nor am I an individual, and that a go-getter  who wants to take ownership of his role is not encouraged.

I am a cog in a very big, old wheel.

How I react to this is up to me.

I will admit it was a bit of a pity party at first.  I had the bike with me and went straight to RVC to crank out benchpresses since i knew i couldn't later this week.  I did my 200-lbs for about 26 reps. I just couldn't do the rest at that weight. I finished the next 6 at 180.  After Miri went to sleep I made a LaVazza espresso (possibly double espresso) in my Bodum french press and drafted a letter and updated my resume to a nicely-styled format.

I then couldn't sleep to save my life.  I paced a lot. I cleaned out my work bags and got rid of some crap.  I watched tv.  I stopped watching tv.  I thought about Liz at work. I did more thinking.  I went on to linkedin and did some networking and scoured the job posts.  I finally knocked out around/after 4.

I woke up on time and was getting ready for my day when Liz walked in. I probably shouldn't have been so blunt with her but she needed to know that it wasn't about my disillusionment with the job, it was that it could be in jeopardy.

I was too exhausted to be spiteful by the time I got in to work Tuesday. I couldn't believe I didn't sleep on the train, though.  Even "Us and Them" couldn't trigger it.  Anyway, it wound up not being so bad and I promised myself that the pity party was over.  I resolved that I'd make the next day work to my advantage.  A better night's sleep was due, too.  I made my way to the coffee dispensers often enough.  I listened to a lot of Ha Ha Tonka's Lessons Mon and Tues.  The album is great. Especially the first 3 tracks.  The topics are tough and morbid but the music and voices are very uplifting.  It's a fine balance but I started to get a little too sad and it made me pine for the "Inside Llewyn Davis" songs. (which I'm listening to right now).

I wore a suit weds.  We had a big mkting meeting where we're all on camera and also I wanted to show that I take things seriously. Most importantly I had to project success and positivity.  So I did. Smiles. Proactivity. Efficiency.  It all happened.  I had to convince myself I had a job interview during lunch and thought of it as an acting scene.  Had to leave the office for the whole hour with briefcase in hand.  I had a conversation with a contact about how to handle my predicament outside Planet Fitness.  Then I went in to the gym, put my coat and bag in the locker and hit the floor. Amid cranking out some biceps curls, this jacked dude asked if he could take my picture b/c it would inspire him and his buddies in a chat group.  I said sure.  They were impressed.  It was funny.
I was also contacting old co-workers for some help in the way of leads.  They responded and seemed positive.  I'll have to stay on them a bit, but it was a comfort nonetheless.  I felt so good about one lead though that I wrote 90% of my cover letter on the train ride home.

Thurs:  Funny little note.  On the walk toward the 34th St exit in Penn, I passed the Starbucks and oddly, samples were available. I got the last Caramel Flan sample and the barista gave me a Kind bar.  I was groggy and it perked me up a bit I even wrote to the corp office about the positive experience.

I used the same "interview" mentality when I donated blood at night.  I very much want to work at South Nassau CH so that I can do good work (which I believe in) closer to home.  The external affairs dept doesn't get many openings but when they do I wanted the HR Manager to remember me. I have met with her several times at the Blood Drives and figured she needed an 830 boost so I walked in with a Dunkaccino for her.  She was grateful. She is a nice lady who works a long, lonely day on the day of the drives. She deserves acknowledgment.  All people do.   I didn't mention my desire for working there once.  I wanted to, of course, but that's for another time (and I'd spoken with her about it in Jan).  Projecting politeness and dressing well was more important.  Doing a mitzvah, also, was more important. I was also feeling good that some of this stressed out blood was exiting my system.   AKA SW would not be around for a few business days and my head would clear out. Perhaps I was correct.  Upon my return home, my old Herald editor e-introduced me to someone at Galvanized whom I'd really like to get to know. I'd asked him to do that Monday PM/Tues AM amid my pacing.

The grapefruit is long gone.  I have finished my tea. I'm listening to "Fare Thee Well" for the 3rd or 4th time.  I checked out the soundtrack from the lib last night.

I have made some progress with my personal stuff.  Dress well. Take care of the people around you. Get as much work done as possible without knocking yourself out.  If you're miserable, purge it at the gym.

Yesterday I treated our Marketing Assistant (who basically trained me) to a nice lunch. This morning I hand-delivered my sister's birthday card to her with a small gift on my way to work and in an hour I'm taking one of our PR writers for a caffeinated beverage downstairs. Maybe I'll get a Caramel Flan.

130 - Had a Grande Caramel Flan Latte whilst my writer had a tea.  Nice to speak with a colleague about something other than work.  I threw some extra cinnamon on it b/c it always helps.  The drink itself is certainly tasty and sweet.  It's a meal unto itself.

330 - Sipped away at a LightNote Blend from office.  I haven't eaten all that much today but I'm actually not that hungry probably thanks to the Flan.  

Thank you for reading this.